A Life Sentence is a Death Sentence—Just Slower

When we think of the death penalty, we often picture courtrooms, last meals (John Coffey from The Green Mile anyone??💔) and final words before execution. But what if I told you that another form of execution exists—one that plays out over decades, behind cold prison walls, stripping people of hope and any chance at redemption? That’s exactly what life imprisonment without parole does. It may not involve a lethal injection, but it’s a death sentence all the same—just in slow motion and I just recently delved into it thanks to reading an article a guest on Season 5 of my podcast wrote and interviewed yet another guest who works for the Humane Prison Hospice Project. Fascinating conversation!

The U.S. Loves a Life Sentence

The United States has one of the highest incarceration rates in the world, and the number of people serving life sentences is staggering. Right now, 1 in 7 U.S. prisoners (over 203,000 people) are serving life sentences in prison, more than the country's entire prison population in 1970. Of the lifers, 30% are at least 55 years old. That’s an entire population of people who will never know freedom again, many of whom were handed these sentences not because they are beyond redemption but because the system is designed to punish rather than rehabilitate. According to my conversation with Laura from the Humane Prison Hospice Project who guestimated that nearly 90% of incarcerated women are in prison because they were quite literally back into a corner. They tried to run away, tried to get restraining orders, tried to get help, tried to report the domestic abuse but nothing else worked. What do you do when survival mode becomes kill or be killed?

And let’s be honest—this system doesn’t impact everyone equally. Individuals of colour are disproportionately hit with the harshest sentences, including life without parole, even for crimes that wouldn’t get the same punishment if the defendant were white. When we talk about mass incarceration, we have to talk about racial bias, systemic injustice, and the deep flaws baked into the so-called justice system.

Prison as a “Slow Death”

What does it mean to live without hope? Many people assume that life in prison is a better alternative to the death penalty because, well, at least they’re alive, right? But what kind of life is it when you wake up every day knowing that you will never step outside those walls, rebuild, or get a second chance?

Many inmates serving life sentences suffer from extreme mental deterioration—depression, hopelessness, and even suicide are rampant. Their bodies might be alive, but their futures have been permanently erased. That’s not justice. That’s a prolonged execution.

The Price Tag of Life Sentences

Beyond the human cost, there’s also the financial burden. Keeping someone incarcerated for decades costs taxpayers a fortune. We’re talking about millions of dollars that could be spent on rehabilitation, mental health programs, and actual solutions to crime—things that reduce recidivism instead of just locking people away forever. Countries like Norway focus on rehabilitation over punishment, and surprise, surprise—they have lower crime rates and fewer repeat offenders. Only 20% of Norway’s formerly incarcerated population commit another crime within two years of release. 

What’s the Alternative?

Should we really believe that a person is incapable of change just because of what they did at one moment in their lives? The reality is, that people evolve and make mistakes. They grow, they learn, they change. If we don’t at least provide the possibility of redemption, what does that say about us as a society? Also, see my last post on the Netflix Show Adolescence as often uneducated, naive, young or misinformed humans experience something traumatic or triggering and it causes them to act unlawfully. Should they get the death penalty?

Justice should be about more than just punishment—it should be about transformation. We have to ask ourselves: Do we really believe in second chances, or do we just like the idea of them? Because right now, a life sentence isn’t a second chance. It seems to be a death sentence, with a much slower clock.

ADOLESCENCE: a masterpiece of narrative television with a spotlight on grief (WARNING SPOILERS)

WARNING SPOILERS

With a 100% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes, with critics describing it as "a masterpiece of narrative television and a stunning visual experience", Netflix's latest British drama, Adolescence, is a must-watch. It delves deep into the mind complexities of a minor, with themes of grief, shame, societal pressures, raising children and the dark sordid corners of online culture. The series begins with the relatively violent arrest of 13-year-old Jamie Miller, accused of murdering his classmate Katie Leonard. This harrowing event sets the stage for an exploration of the emotional and psychological turmoil experienced by all those involved. ​

At its core, Adolescence is a poignant portrayal of grief in its multifaceted forms. The Miller family grapples with the devastating reality of their son's actions, leading to a profound sense of loss of the son/brother they thought they knew and of the life they once had. Each grapples with their own shame, grief, denial and anger. 

Katie's friends and family, mourning her loss, embody the raw pain of bereavement that most of us are relatively familiar with - the loss of someone through death, albeit not a horrific one such as murder. The series goes much further and sheds light on the insidious nature of online radicalization, bullying, mental health and the systems that shape young people. Jamie's quick descent serves as a cautionary tale about the vulnerabilities of youth in the digital age. The narrative underscores how unchecked online influences can exacerbate feelings of isolation and anger, leading to devastating consequences. ​

One of the most striking aspects of Adolescence is its storytelling technique. Each episode is presented as a continuous single take, immersing viewers in the real-time unfolding of events. This method enhances the emotional intensity, allowing audiences to experience the characters' grief and confusion firsthand. ​The fact that Jamie was in denial of his actions when arrested and continuously approval-seeking shows just how altered his state of mind had become.

Stephen Graham's portrayal of Eddie Miller, Jamie's father, is particularly compelling, capturing the anguish of a parent confronting an unimaginable situation. ​The final scene, in the video below, is the most heartbreaking of the show in my opinion, with every facet of grief rearing its head - grief you couldn't protect your son, grief you didnt raise him right, grief he now faces prison, grief over lost innocence and youth, grief over the death of a young girl, grief for your family and the life you once shared, grief that nothing will be the same ever again. The pain is palpable in that scene.

Adolescence is more than just a crime drama; it's an incredible exploration of the varieties of grief, the challenges of modern adolescence and parenting, and the potential dangers lurking in schools and in the digital realm. This show will leave a mark on you, no doubt.

Bridget Jones + Grief: Love, Loss, and Moving Forward (With Wine, Of Course)

 Bridget Jones is back, but this time, she’s navigating a journey we never expected—grief. Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy takes the beloved character into uncharted territory, tackling widowhood, single parenthood, and the messy, unpredictable path of moving forward after loss.

For fans of the franchise, the loss of Mark Darcy (yes, THE Mark Darcy) is a gut punch. Colin Firth’s absence looms over the film, and like Bridget, we feel the weight of it. But true to Bridget Jones fashion, the story is not just about sadness—it’s about resilience, awkward missteps, and, of course, wine!

We’ve seen Bridget make bad decisions before—whether it was chasing after the wrong man, showing up in a Playboy bunny outfit, or attempting blue soup for dinner. But in Mad About the Boy, her struggles hit different.

Bridget isn’t just a fumbling, lovesick 30-something anymore. She’s a mother, a widow, and a woman trying to rebuild her life after losing the love of her life. This is a version of Bridget we’ve never seen before—one that carries grief in her eyes but still manages to find moments of joy, humor, and, yes, romance. The film beautifully captures how grief doesn’t always look like endless tears and dramatic breakdowns. Sometimes, it’s sending a flirty text and immediately regretting it. Sometimes, it’s laughing at the wrong moment, or pretending you’re fine when you’re absolutely not. It’s a mix of sadness, absurdity, and unexpected hope—all things that Bridget Jones does exceptionally well.

One of the most powerful aspects of this film is how it normalizes the messiness of grief. There’s no "right way" to grieve, and Bridget proves that whether it’s crying over old memories, taking a risk on a new love interest, or drowning sorrows in a bottle of wine, healing is never linear.

In a way, this film does for grief what Bridget Jones’s Diary did for being single in your 30s—it makes it okay to not have everything figured out. It reminds us that life, even after profound loss, still has room for laughter, love, and new beginnings. So many films about grief focus solely on the sadness, but Mad About the Boy gives us something more—permission to grieve in our own way, to find humor in the darkest moments, and to keep moving forward, even when we don’t know exactly where we’re going.

Bridget’s journey might be fictional, but her struggles feel real. Whether you've experienced loss yourself or simply love a story about resilience (and ridiculous dating mishaps), this film delivers a heartfelt, funny, and deeply relatable take on love, loss, and life after. So grab your tissues, pour yourself a glass of wine, and get ready to laugh, cry, and—most importantly—feel seen.

The European Grief Conference 2024

The European Grief Conference 2024, held in Dublin this past November, showcased groundbreaking research, innovative practices, and deeply moving personal accounts, creating a comprehensive overview of grief in its many dimensions. As someone immersed in the grief and memorial planning industry, I was struck by the diversity of approaches and the profound dedication to addressing this universal human experience. Hosted by the Irish Hospice Foundation in partnership with Bereavement Network Europe, RCSI University of Medicine and Health Sciences, and the Danish National Center for Grief, the conference aimed to unite researchers, practitioners, and educators to enhance bereavement care across Europe. 

The conference was structured around a four-tiered needs-based bereavement care model, focusing on:

• Level 0: Society – Grief Literacy, Advocacy & Community

• Level 1: Normal Grief – General Awareness & Support

• Level 2: Bereavement Support – Prevention & Risk Factors

• Level 3: Complicated Grief Reactions – Diagnosis & Treatment

Keynote speakers included:

• Prof. Samar Aoun (Australia): Discussed community-led approaches to grief.

• Dominic Campbell (Ireland): Explored knowledge creation in grief through national arts and cultural engagement.

• Prof. Pamela Grassau (Canada): Addressed "Truth-Telling" and coming out in dying, grief, and loss.

• Tina Graven Østergaard (Denmark): Shared insights on grief in Greenland and collaborative social action.

The conference provided a platform for professionals to share knowledge, experiences, and research, fostering collaboration to improve bereavement care across Europe. While the event was a rich source of knowledge, insights, and shared wisdom, it was also a reminder of the complexities of translating research into meaningful action and connection.Some of the themes I related to:

1. Rituals and Mourning Culture

• Cemeteries of the Future: The presentation by Raum Für Trauer explored whether cemeteries can institutionalize therapeutic impacts on mourners. Their approach emphasized understanding mourning behaviors, designing spaces for the grieving, and transforming cemeteries into spaces for the living. This resonates deeply with my advocacy for sensory integration in funeral planning, as cemeteries should serve both the departed and those left behind.

• RISE Toolkit for Ritual Design: Rooted in anthropology, this toolkit fosters the creation of personalized rituals to aid individuals and communities through loss. It highlighted the need for contemporary rituals that respect traditional structures while being adaptable to modern grief challenges.

2. Therapeutic Practices in Grief

• Writing as Therapy: The Danish National Center for Grief’s presentation showcased how writing—especially letter writing—can be a powerful therapeutic tool. Writing letters to the deceased helps participants navigate unresolved emotions and fosters a sense of continued connection.

• Grief Retreats in Portugal: Alexandra Coelho’s project detailed a three-day therapeutic retreat offering structured grief support. Feedback emphasized its transformative effects in helping participants process their pain in a safe space.

• Blue Christmas Ritual: Hosted annually by Our Lady’s Hospice in Ireland, this event provides a space for collective grief during the holidays. Using poetry, music, and symbols like snowflakes and stars, it addresses the dual process model of grief and fosters resilience.

3. Digital and Technological Interventions

• Online Bereavement Support: Research from the University of Edinburgh synthesized findings on internet-based interventions. Key benefits include cost-effectiveness, accessibility, and reducing stigma around grief support. However, barriers like variable IT literacy and lack of personal feedback persist.

• My Grief App: This randomized trial from Uppsala University highlighted the app’s success in addressing symptoms of prolonged grief. User feedback underscored its calming interface and educational value, making it an accessible tool for bereaved parents.

4. COVID-19’s Impact on Grief and Funerals

• Studies reflected on the unique challenges posed by pandemic-era funerals. Families expressed deep distress over restrictions but also recognized innovations like virtual funeral access as valuable for the future.

• Only one session focused directly on funeral professionals: “Exploring Funeral Director Experience and Perceived Impact of Providing Funeral Services During COVID-19 Restrictions.” The presentation revealed the profound challenges funeral directors faced during the pandemic, navigating unprecedented restrictions while striving to honor the dead and support the grieving. However, what struck me most was the noticeable absence of Irish funeral directors at the conference—save for one attendee.Why was this the case? Was it due to the cost of attending, the time commitment, or perhaps a disconnect between the conference’s content and the daily realities of funeral work? As someone deeply involved in the funeral industry, I found this lack of representation both perplexing and disheartening.

5. Exploring Assisted Suicide

• Presentations on assisted suicide, including its practices across various countries, shed light on this sensitive topic. Key discussions contrasted assisted suicide with conventional suicide, highlighting anticipatory grief and the complexities of family involvement.

6. Community in Grief

• One of the most riveting themes was the role of community in grief. As one speaker (I believe it was Professor Samar Aoun poignantly shared, "If we continue to rely solely on professionals alone for bereavement support, like John Deeres’ Plough, the tools of bereavement will create a desert where a community once flourished.” This sentiment resonated deeply, reflecting a shared belief that grief needs a collective approach—neighbors, clubs, and local institutions stepping in to create spaces for healing.

• Jarlath Burns, a GAA icon and president, in his welcome speech, emphasized this beautifully, describing the vital role of GAA clubs in fostering community support during times of loss. Clubs often offer their facilities for post-funeral receptions or organize guards of honor for grieving families, serving as anchors in their communities.

The conference’s rich diversity of topics reaffirmed my belief in a holistic approach to grief. From integrating sensory experiences into funerals to advocating for digital legacy tools, we must embrace innovation while respecting tradition. The conference leaned heavily on research and data, which, while enlightening, occasionally felt overwhelming. Many presentations offered fascinating insights but fell flat in delivery, with some presenters struggling to connect with the audience. It was clear that while these individuals excel in their fields, not all were equipped for the stage. Perhaps pairing researchers with skilled presenters or storytellers could enhance future conferences, allowing complex studies to be communicated in a more engaging and digestible manner.

Not all victories were academic. Rose Park Catering stole the show with their incredible Irish food fare. With vegetarian and vegan options seamlessly integrated into the menu, they set a gold standard for conference hospitality, proving that attention to detail extends beyond the sessions themselves. It is something so small but I believe it is hugely important in any gathering.

The European Grief Conference left me inspired yet contemplative. While it succeeded in fostering important conversations about grief and loss, it also underscored the need for more accessible presentations and a broader audience reach. The wealth of knowledge and innovation shared in Croke Park that week deserves to resonate far beyond academic circles.

From exploring community-driven grief models to addressing the need for more inclusive and compassionate bereavement care, the conference painted a vivid picture of the future. However, it’s clear that a balance must be struck between research and real-world application—one that bridges academia, the medical and funeral professions, and community grief support systems.  It highlighted the importance of interdisciplinary collaboration, whether through designing therapeutic cemeteries, crafting personalized rituals, or leveraging technology for wider access. I remain deeply curious about how we can ensure greater representation, inclusivity, and collaboration across all facets of this vital work. As I continue my journey in this field, these insights will inform my practice, from memorial planning to public speaking. Grief, after all, is as unique as a heartbeat, and our responses must be just as varied and compassionate.

The Secret Lives of Pets... and Mormon Wives!

Glam Reaper in the Wild Series continues!

This is an exciting 2 part podcast....

The Glam Reaper Podcast host Jennifer Muldowney reconnects with Sydney Tracy at the annual conference of IAOPCC (International Association Of Pet Cemeteries & Crematories). It is a two-part episode - part one talks about pet loss, and part two focuses on the intriguing unseen lives of Latter-day Saint women. 

Trust me, you dont want to miss these episodes!

Sydney's episode for part 1

Here are the links:

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Sydney's episode for part 2

Spotify

Apple podcast

Youtube

How We Use the Senses to Create Unforgettable Farewells

When planning a funeral or memorial, people tend to focus on the big-ticket items—like the venue, the flowers, the eulogy, and, of course, the music. But let’s be real, it’s often the little details that make a service truly memorable. At my company Muldowney Memorials, we’re all about creating an experience that hits all the senses, leaving a lasting and meaningful impression. Here’s a little peek into how we do it.

Visual Sensations: Creating a Scene That Speaks

We all know how much visual stimuli affect our moods and emotions. That’s why we’re super careful to observe the setting for each service, paying attention to the colours, shapes, and textures that will surround everyone.

Whether we’re indoors or out, the visual element is like the canvas we paint on to set the vibe. Think about the way flowers are arranged, the flicker of candles, or even how the light hits the room—every detail is a reflection of the person we’re honouring.

Auditory Sensations: A Soundtrack for the Soul

Sound is one of the most underrated yet powerful tools when it comes to emotions. Whether it’s the soft rustle of leaves in the wind, a favourite song, or just the quiet in between—silence can be golden, too—we want to create a symphony that feels just right.

We love helping families choose music that brings back cherished memories or just feels like the right tribute. It could be something as simple as wind chimes, a solo violin, or a carefully curated playlist that reflects the life of the person we’re remembering.

Tactile Sensations: Grounding in the Moment

Touch is one of those senses we sometimes forget about, but it’s so grounding, especially during emotional times. We often offer keepsakes like a smooth stone, a favourite fabric, or even a personal item of the person who has passed.

The texture, weight, and temperature of these items can really help people connect on a deeper level, offering comfort and grounding during grief.

Olfactory Sensations: The Power of a Scent

We all know how a certain scent can instantly transport us to a specific moment or memory. Whether it’s the fresh scent of flowers, the warmth of candles, or a personal fragrance, the sense of smell is key in making a service feel personal.

A calming scent like lavender or even the perfume or cologne of the departed can create a space where memories come flooding back—allowing people to reflect and feel closer to their loved ones.

Gustatory Sensations: Taste as Memory

Taste might seem a little outside the box for a funeral or memorial, but trust me, it’s a game-changer. Food is comfort, and sharing a favourite meal or snack of the departed can be a beautiful way to bring everyone together.

We encourage families to incorporate something meaningful—a special dish, a favourite drink—whatever helps spark that moment of connection. It’s not just about the food, it’s about the shared experience, the flavours, and the memories tied to them.

We get that a funeral isn’t just an event—it’s an experience. By engaging all five senses, we create those special moments of connection, reflection, and remembrance that stay with you long after the service is over.

K. Krombie - Uncovering New York's Dark History!

 In this episode of The Glam Reaper Podcast, host Jennifer Muldowney, aka The Glam Reaper, takes listeners on a journey through New York City’s darker history with the brilliant K. Krombie, a British author, freelance writer, journalist, and founder of Purefinder New York. All while sitting in Central Park!!

Krombie is renowned for her deeply researched walking tours that shine a light on the city's untold stories of death and cemeteries.

Jennifer and Krombie dive into the fascinating world of burials in the Big Apple, spanning over 400 years of history. Together, they discuss Krombie’s book, Death in New York: History and Culture of Burials, Undertakers and Executions, and explore the mismanagement of death in Manhattan, from overcrowded cemeteries to forgotten burial grounds. They also uncover how epidemics, riots, and even forgotten skeletons have shaped the city’s landscape and reflect on the ongoing challenges of honoring the dead in a space-challenged metropolis.

Whether you’re a history buff or simply curious about New York’s hidden past, this episode will transport you to a side of the city you’ve never seen before. Don’t miss this insightful conversation packed with forgotten tales, burial scandals, and thought-provoking discussions about life and death in the concrete jungle.

Tune in now to learn about the past that’s still buried beneath New York’s streets!

Awesome facts from the episode: 

Washington Square Park holds a secret: There are approximately 20,000 bodies buried beneath it, a result of yellow fever epidemics in the 1800s.

Grave robbing was a serious issue in New York: In 1788, a riot broke out when student doctors were caught stealing bodies from cemeteries for dissection, leading to legal reforms.

In the 1700s, drinking water in New York often flowed through graveyards, including a fountain at Trinity Church, contributing to cholera outbreaks.

Seneca Village, located in what is now Central Park, was a black settlement in the 1820s with churches and burial grounds, many of which remain under the park today.

The Bone Bill of 1854 allowed unclaimed bodies, particularly vagrants, to be dissected by medical students, a law that remained in place until it was finally amended in 2016.

Website - https://www.purefindernewyork.com/

Promotional code to get 15% discount: Glamreaper

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